130 Funniest Christmas Jokes for a Humor-Filled Holiday (2024)

Updated: Jun. 12, 2024

‘Tis the season of giving, so why not dole out a few laughs while spreading holiday cheer? The best Christmas jokes are perfect to text friends, crack up your kids and make the weeks leading up to the big day even better. If you’re wondering what there is to laugh about on Christmas, the answer is: a whole lot!

From silly Santa jokes to clever Christmas puns that are elfin hilarious, these jokes will make even the grouchiest Grinch chuckle. Happy holidays, everyone!

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Funny Christmas jokes

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1. Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent calendar?
He got 25 days.

2. What do you call a bunch of chess masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby over the holidays?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

3. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose!

4. Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?
Because he went down in history.

5. What is a vegan’s favorite Christmas carol?
“Soy to the World.”

6. How does the snow globe feel this year?
A little shaken.

7. Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?
She sleighs.

8. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
Rude-olph.

9. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!

10. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Ice Krispies.

11. How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out?
They spruce up!

12. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me, and we’ll go places!

13. What do you call a shark that delivers toys at Christmas?
Santa Jaws.

14. What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread?
Loaf Actually.

15. How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.

16. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsillitis!

17. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has no-el.

18. What do you call a search engine that sings the best Christmas songs?
Michael Googlé.

19. What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
“Silent Night.”

20. What did the gingerbread man say after all the cookies were eaten?
It’s so hard to bake new friends!

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21. Why are Christmas trees always looking to the future?
Because the present is beneath them.

22. How did the Jedi know what he was getting for Christmas?
He could sense their presents.

23. What did the psychic say before Christmas?
I feel a presents near.

24. What is the little snowman’s favorite day at kindergarten?
Snow and tell.

25. Why are Christmas ornaments addicted to Christmas?
Because they get hooked on trees their whole life.

26. What do guests do at the ocean Christmas party?
Sing Christmas corals.

27. Why does the Grinch enjoy gardening?
Because he’s got a green thumb!

28. Why is Christmas better than all the other holidays?
It’s part of win-ter.

29. What did one Christmas tree say to another?
Lighten up!

30. What do Christmas trees say when they’re in love?
I’m pining for you.

31. Why did the kitten refuse to climb the Christmas tree?
It was afraid of the bark.

32. What falls in the North Pole and never gets hurt?
Snow!

33. What’s everyone’s favorite breakfast in the North Pole?
Mistle toast.

34. Why was the eggnog upset during Christmas dinner?
It felt egg-nored.

35. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?
Orna-mints.

36. What’s red, white and blue on Christmas Eve?
A sad candy cane.

37. What do gingerbread men put on their beds?
Cookie sheets.

38. Why is Christmas a mummy’s favorite holiday?
They love the gift wrapping.

39. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed to be trimmed!

When your belly hurts from laughing so much at these Christmas jokes, work another muscle with these Christmas brain teasers everyone will love unwrapping.

Christmas dad jokes

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40. What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus?
COOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

41. What is the best possible holiday present?
A broken drum—you just can’t beat it!

42. Did you hear that Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holiday?
They’re free of charge!

43. What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?
Wait, there’s myrrh.

44. What did one snowman say to the other?
“Is it just me, or do you smell carrots?”

45. Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer?
Spruce Springsteen!

46. Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist?
It needed a root canal.

47. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
His wife was a total flake.

48. Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey—he’s always stuffed.

49. What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band?
The Who.

50. What did the gingerbread man say when the gingerbread woman asked how she looked?
“Sweet!”

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51. Who tells the best Christmas jokes?
Reindeer. They sleigh every time.

52. Why did Santa get a parking ticket?
He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.

53. What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?
A pineapple!

54. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Their days are numbered.

55. How does a sheep say, “Merry Christmas”?
Fleece Navidad!

56. How do sheep wish each other happy holidays?
Merry Christmas to ewe.

57. What does a grumpy sheep say when his friends wish him happy holidays?
Baaaa humbug!

58. Why couldn’t the Christmas tree stand up?
It had no legs.

59. Why is it always cold on Christmas?
Because it’s in Decembrrrrrr.

60. How does Christmas Day end?
With the letter “Y”!

61. Where would a reindeer go to find her lost tail?
A re-tail store.

62. Why did Scrooge decide to invest in reindeer?
Because every buck is deer to him.

63. What did one snowman say to the other?
You look super cool.

64. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
“I’ll never part with it!”

65. Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill?
Jack Frost.

66. What do guests sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties?
“Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow …”

67. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
They have too many needles.

68. Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
He was in search of some holiday spirit.

69. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!

70. Why did Rudolph never go to school?
He was elf-taught.

71. Why was the Christmas tree so expensive?
It was in mint condition.

72. Which of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?
Dancer!

73. Why do birds fly south for Christmas?
It’s too far to walk.

Dad jokes are funny at any time of the year, but when you combine them with Christmas jokes, it takes things to a whole new level!

Santa jokes

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74. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him.

75. What is Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip?
Crisp Pringles!

76. What is Santa Claus’s favorite track and field event?
North Pole-vaulting.

77. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?
Saint Nickel-less.

78. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing—it was on the house!

79. What is Santa’s favorite kind of candy?
Jolly Ranchers.

80. What was Santa’s favorite subject in school?
Chemis-tree!

81. What is Santa’s dog’s name?
Santa Paws!

82. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.

83. Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can “ho-ho-ho!”

84. What is Santa’s laundry detergent of choice?
Yule-Tide.

85. When Santa is on the beach, what do the elves call him?
Sandy Claus.

86. What do you call Santa Claus with unfolded clothes?
Kris Wrinkle.

87. Have you heard of Santa’s detective alter ego?
His name is Santa Clues.

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88. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claus-trophobia!

89. What is one of Santa’s favorite Christmas activities?
Listening to Elf-is Presley.

90. What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!

91. What’s the difference between a knight and Santa’s reindeer?
One slays the dragon, and the other is draggin’ the sleigh.

92. What goes “oh-oh-oh”?
Santa walking backward.

93. What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Pause.

94. Why did Santa Claus go out with only eight reindeer?
Comet wanted to stay home and clean.

95. What does Santa say before he takes off?
Ready, set, ho-ho-ho!

96. Where does Santa stash all his money?
At the local snow bank.

97. Why does Santa never go to the hospital?
Because he has private elf care.

98. What do you get when you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker.

99. What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance?
A dependent Claus.

100. What is Santa’s favorite fruit?
(Sugar)plums.

101. Which state does Santa like delivering presents to the most?
Idaho-ho-ho.

102. Why is Santa so good at karate?
Because he’s got a black belt.

103. What did Santa and Mrs. Claus name their daughter?
Mary Christmas!

104. What did Santa say when the elf told him a crazy story?
“Get the elf out of here.”

105. Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
Beyon-sleigh.

106. What did Santa and his wife do when they wanted to split up but couldn’t find a divorce lawyer in the North Pole?
They got a semicolon instead. They’re great for separating independent Clauses.

107. Why does Santa use GPS?
He doesn’t want to be a lost Claus.

Santa also makes an appearance in these Christmas riddles. You’ll love trying to figure them out with your family.

Elf jokes

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108. What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?
Wrap, of course.

109. How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit?
You nurse them back to elf!

110. What kind of photos do elves take?
Elfies!

111. What would you call an elf who won the lottery?
Welfy.

112. What should you say to an elf in need of self-care?
“Treat yo’ elf.”

113. What is an elf’s favorite car to drive?
A Toy-ota.

114. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!

115. What’s do elves have inside their shoes?
Mistletoes!

130 Funniest Christmas Jokes for a Humor-Filled Holiday (8)RD.com, Getty Images

116. How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas?
They use Santa-tizer.

117. What did the teacher tell the little elves before Christmas break?
Don’t forget to do your gnome-work!

118. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

119. Why did Rudolph feel bad after talking with the elves?
He had low elf-esteem.

120. What did the elves sing on their girls’ night out?
“All the jingle ladies, put your hands up!”

121. What do elves get when Santa congratulates them on a job well done?
A round of Santapplause!

122. Where do elves go to vote?
The North Poll.

123. What kind of paintings do elves like best?
Elf-portraits.

124. What do elves do in school?
Make present-ations!

125. What kind of money do elves use?
Jingle bills!

126. What do Santa’s little helpers eat on a cold day?
Elf-abet soup.

127. How did the elf survive his first trip on Santa’s sleigh?
He held on for deer life.

128. What did the elf say when the reindeer ignored him at the Christmas party?
How Rude-olph of you!

129. What did the elf say when he didn’t get the lead in the Christmas pageant?
Yule be sorry!

130. What’s an elf’s favorite Christmas song?
“Have Your Elf a Merry Little Christmas.”

Sad that our list of Christmas jokes has come to an end? Keep the giggles going with these funny Christmas memes you’ll want to share with everyone.

Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.

Additional reporting by Lucie Turkel and Charlotte Hilton Andersen.

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